Bertha keeps getting pestered by men posing as celebrities. Name one she has heard from them. It does not seem to matter to them her photo is grainy, and she looks like she sat in a schwitz. Either they are very horny or just desperate. She decided to play along with the heavy breathing, moaning and idle promises of love on tile. Bertha has her eye on one man, not his fake…him.
What makes humans go weak at the knees over, well everyone. Sheep think for some it’s the thrill of the chase. Bertha likes to see how far they will go before they begin asking for money from unsuspecting victims. One in particular keeps contacting her. Elon, how many times must she tell you …she’s just not that into you. Then comes the whining and begging, not from Bertha, the poor sap has it bad for her. Bertha likes to watch him squirm.
But there were others too who have gone after her. Don’t know, maybe the crying game turns them on. One thing is for sure, she cannot get rid of them. One kept asking her to come away with him, she hates to fly. Another promised her a palace; the woman refuses to wear a burka. Her favorite kept love bombing her, night and day, Oy someone was after more than her buck tooth smile.
How many shoes must women wear before they realize the true intention of these faux lotharios? But Men have also fallen victim, one swearing he was speaking to a drop-dead bombshell. He wasn’t. it was Puppy. Surely the poor man should have become wise when puppy kept making offers to rendezvous with carrots, produce in a closet. Really et tu Puppy! Have you no shame! Though we hear a certain Russian asset was into it. It just goes to show, you never know who you are really speaking to.
Those sending pictures of their privates, we don’t think so. If they ask for yours, hell no. One did this to Bertha, not knowing she is a transgendered sheep. Oy his retinas. Never heard from him again. Poor guy, if you don’t know what the person looks like, that is a bad sign. If he refuses to give you a normal phone number, or email, don’t bother. If he tells you he is off the market or not looking for more than a one-night stand, believe him.
Sheep have had friends who became totally enamored with one guy who swore he was George Clooney. Amal, breathe, it wasn’t George. Really Amal, no need to abuse the boy. George, was that you, confess. Sheep have caught some of these lotharios. 80-year-old men, posing as Eminem, Bertha felt sorry for him. This is why they take away those computers in nursing homes. One swore upside and down he was the Pope. Now we know the man has a sense of humor, and is entitled to one wild night before he cashes in. It was not the Pope. Elon showed up too, can you imagine his schpiel. Only if you give the zieg heil and don’t mind losing everything you own and are not into child support.
Ladies, in this economy, and with the world going crazy, people are doing all kinds of crazy stuff. Con men have been around for decades, some worse than others. Bertha says we need a coalition of women to just say NO to all con men. How would you know if the person you meet is normal with the sea of fakes polluting the waters. Much like cubic zirconia, it loses its luster, fades and at some point, you see the real material beneath. In Cubic’s case, polished glass or zircon. With con men, they always slip up. Take notes to what they say so you can go back and remind them of their previous comments. Bertha has even looked some up, copied and pasted the actual information in that person’s fake web site. It is perfectly legal and a good way to warn other women.
So, what do you do if you land one who contacts you? Bertha asks them if they are afraid of latex, ladders, are they attached to their kidneys, and how about their liver? Hey, someone who is interested will have a sense of humor and be able to answer all of those questions. If he is fake, he might call you a twisted sister, warn others about you and run like hell. Puppy says you have to ask him if he is into doing produce. Got it little guy.
Bertha makes it clear she is into whips and chains, handcuffs, likes to tie men up. The woman is into torture, she is not submissive, will spank you, give nips of the paw, has teeth and isn’t afraid to use them. Now this turns some guys on, are into the whole weird leather get ups, want you to wear their mother’s clothes. Those you want to avoid. If they are into warfare, expect you to give out top secrets, that might be a red flag.
Con men won’t bring that up unless they think they have you on the ropes Beat them to the punch. Tell them after first contact you want to have their kids, get married, marry the dog. The cat isn’t off limits either, but she has to get those nails filed first. The poor guy by this time will be reaching for the Jim Beam or out buying Gibraltar. Honest men may go for the liquor but will hold off on the straits. He wants to meet the cat first, see how they get along. If there is no connection other than teeth in your leg, yeah, that’s a sign it’s a no go.
Ladies don’t get the wrong idea, sheep are not against men, we love them. Bertha loves them. Puppy loves produce but that is a whole other issue. Just know if it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, it’s a sheep. Some may surprise you and be normal, decent, just watch for those red flags. Don’t be shy to call them out on it. George, stop calling Bertha. Do you really want her chasing you around the room, using her whips and chains? Well?
