Bertha and Puppy have been preparing for a trip back to the farm. Bertha is buying her: bicycle pump, plaster, harnesses, duct tape, Preparation H, Super glue, Wax, Rubber bands, pliers, Shag Me Sailor lipstick, and Eau D’ Snarl perfume, tea bags, plastic baggies, trash bags and clips, Whoopsie drops for those moments of violets escaping, corks, Louboutains, Chanel gowns and tennis shoes, cutlets for those moments when things deflate, and she wants that caught you looking, look. She isn’t one to use light bulbs, or tennis balls, anything that could cause a chipped tooth. The woman wants to be prepared for all of it.
Now, can she get this through TSA? NO. Will that stop her? No. If they have not stopped Hillary, they cannot stop her. Her leather get ups, whips and chains, blue dresses, hot sauce, fish crackers, laptop never stopped her. Bertha, you are fine. Puppy we need to worry about. No, he isn’t the UNI Bomber, nor weapons of mass destruction, it’s strictly produce, melons, no pineapple, or chocolate, it gives dogs the trots. The little guy likes to get his ya ya’s on in closets, behind chairs, and has been known to be caught shagging a watermelon. He has been banned by cruise lines, trains, busses, so the airlines know he needs to be watched. Do you want him to rappe a carrot? NO? C’est au mage, He makes his own crudite platter for latter.
If they decide to question him like they did Bill and Hillary, do you want to know where he did those activities or with whom? He will tell you, yes, he was on Epstein Island many times, was seen in the hot tub in the background. No, that was not Tip O’Neal, it was puppy. Did he see anyone with whips and chains, and if so, who was wearing the dog collar? Who wore the blue dress better, Bill or Putin? Neither, but Elon gave it a good try. It didn’t fit so we acquit.
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