Category: political satire

We know this is not the time for humor. Well, yes and no. She wants to make clear to the world, humans don’t want this war, not Trump, nor his billionaire boys club, world domination. This is not a James Bond film, and we are not looking for the Third Reich. To read or listen to anything Trump or his sycophants and supporters tell you, we are not hellbent on rising on Sunday. We respect those who celebrate Easter and his second coming. We are not talking about that. We love easter, and the easter eggs, heavenly hash easter eggs, and chocolate bunnies. We totally respect those whose beliefs celebrate Christ and Jesus. Personally, Bertha is willing to have her legs, get a good wax, implants at full salute, fluff her wigs, tan, wear her best bad ass Chanel, and totally slay in her pew. Ok, a sheep in her pew might sound funny, but you guys get it. Pew not Oh hell No, not the pen.

Bertha is trying to tell those around the world that Trump’s war is not our war. We like having a melting pot, a fondue of cultures, sharing ideas, education, good food, and chefs, teachers, and doctors. Knowing this war was based on a lie and the crimes he committed before the war, the war crimes he has admitted to, are not what we, the people, voted for. Nobody likes to see innocent people dying or being harmed. We hate to see the venom and hatred aimed at those of us chanting NO WARS. If you got to see those of us in the streets marching, chanting, peacefully against him and his war, you would feel the love we have for our fellow men and women around the globe.

But Trump et all don’t want you to see that. This is a deranged man with infantile personality disorder. Chimps have been proven to have a greater level of intelligence, compassion, and understanding, common sense than he has, or his imbred followers accept. Please do not lump us all in the category of the imbred, uneducated, cold and heartless.

There is no reason to ever go to war unless it’s a last resort. For years, the US and our allies have tried to maintain a respectful, peaceful means to handle issues that have plagued the Middle East. We are not perfect, but attacking innocent countries, women, and children is not how we choose to govern.

This will land sheep in the stockade, the pen, but we would rather know we tried to speak peaceful thoughts and wishes, than to spit venom on those who never did harm to us, and vice versa. The number of citizens who support this melting pot is higher than those in uniform fighting against everything they believe in, which they were taught. Those too stupid to admit Trump is wrong and a fool do not speak for the rest of us. We want him brought up on war crimes in an international tribunal for all the world to see.

Bertha is crying. She hates the idea that other nations equate us with the rogue leader we did not choose. Bertha wants to sit down with you at her table filled with pots full of good food, wine, or tea, bread, and pastry. You might get fat, but you won’t end up in a bloody war. Sheep, like most humans, are peaceful people. Don’t confuse the cause of the constipation, the red-haired hemorrhoid, with those of us who prefer our roughage covered in cinnamon. We don’t want the war, just the cinnamon milk that comes after.

War is permanent; you cannot unwring the bell. Nobody wants to see young men, women, and children die. Nothing is worth that. Sheep are peaceful beings; we respect others. Never confuse sheep with the moron in office. Trump needs to be brought up on charges, cough, cough, war crimes against humanity. But what do cross-eyed, transgendered sheep know? We know anyone who has not tried milk chocolate, marshmallows, pecans, and all of it shoved into a chocolate easter bunny is missing out.

Bertha wants to know how much more humans must endure before someone says 25. For those who are not aware, Article 25 is used to remove a president from office when he becomes a clear and present danger. Maga, you can try to put lipstick on a pig and hope he comes out a mink, but this pig is still a pig. No magic kiss, potion, prayer, or cherry-picked law allows for multiple criminal offenses to run a country.

There is no escaping the Epstein files case. No illegal war, a wag the dog, nor any other illegal act against a country that did not attack us, can cover up a hardcore fact. The world is watching and knows what this is: a cheap shot cover-up attempts to distract from putting a sitting president before an international tribunal on international and national television for all to see. No speeches, bimbo blondes, or imaginary hirings can make this go away. Donald, you screwed the pooch. You gave it a bone and played fetch, and now you need to face pedophilia charges.

The economy is in the trotter, gas prices have almost doubled in many states, and attacks on innocent people who did not break laws have become out of control. We do not attack synagogues, people with whom we don’t agree. You and your minions are not the judge and jury of our nation. Silencing musicians, journalists, authors, anyone who questions, denounces, or speaks harsh truths, does not belong in incinerators, prisons, or even swine could survive.

When you speak, you are lying; when your people speak, they are lying, and no amount of lipstick can change that. You have vacated your position in more ways than one, have allowed TSA to go without salaries, government employees, nada. That is not presidential; it is amoral. Behaving like a sullied brat who isn’t getting his way and resorts to abuse, wars that kill innocent women and children, and lies about it, only makes you look like a 5-year-old in dire need of a diaper change. Even Dick Cheney would not have allowed Bush to behave that way. George was terrified of the man for a reason. He knew better. Your minions who would rather allow your misdeeds than lose their positions and money will go down with the ship and can only blame themselves for it. There was a reason for duck hunting, George got it. You and yours will have to learn the hard way.

You have a choice: step down and take your trolls with you or face an international tribunal for all the world to see. The clock is ticking, Donald, and time is running out. The world is watching. Taking the American people down with you is grotesquely unfair, professional, selfish, and mean. We did not start nor ask for this war, and refuse to be seen as the problem of the world. Anarchy posing as anything other than what it is won’t help you. Using black ops to carry out attacks on our own people is transparent and tacky. Cheney could pull it off; you cannot. We do not have to be there yet, or at all. Article 25 is the answer, and it’s time for your entire cabinet. Let’s clean out the garbage all at once.

Yes, we are at insane rents, grocery increases, gas prices, violence and abuse of our own people and others. We are seeing attacks on mosques and temples, with people choosing peace over crime and violence. We have rogue vigilantes killing and abusing people in the streets. None of that is anything to be proud of. It does not deserve second or third terms, but it does deserve jail time. The number of humans, even those who voted for you, want you and yours OUT. Get a clue. Folks WE are there.

Alison Oliver · 

Follow

BA (Hons) in History & Egyptology, The Open University (Graduated 2018)Mar 4

“I just saw an illegal Puerto Rican server at a restaurant. As an American, do I have the right to call ICE to deport him back to his country?“

Let just imagine that this person was an immigrant for a minute. They are halfway through their application process for citizenship and just trying to make an honest living while they wait. Minding their business and abiding by the law. Then BOOM! You turn up with your, what shall we call it? Good citizen ideology? Or just plain old racial hatred? You make the call to ICE. Next thing you know a gang of masked, armed to the teeth white thugs storm into the restaurant where this innocent person is working and drag them out. They disappear or get shot in the face on the street.”

“Both of these comments were viewed on QUORA a website that offers a variety of material and is linked to LINKED IN. ” I saw this, and I could not ignore it. This isn’t satire; it is pathetic. At what point did this country, our people, decide we could be judge and jury over others? It is not our place to dictate policy, religion, size, shape, choice, or freedoms.

For those who are too lazy, uneducated or just unwilling to accept facts, Sheeprants is spelling it out for you. Puerto Rico is part of the US. They are Americans who work just as hard as we do, suffer through hurricanes, tornadoes, crime, famine, and inequalities. They are some of the kindest, sweetest, most generous beings on the planet. To see brainwashed Trump followers, instigators, assume they can be the judge and jury over anyone is disgusting. To judge without knowing you are violating the rights and civil liberties of innocent people, who have done nothing to you or your family. Their existence has no bearing on how your day will go or your job. It might when you choose to admit your racist attitudes and willingness to harm others.

We already know how ICE treats people, for them to get ahold of someone who did nothing wrong, who is only trying to live, earn a paycheck, pay rent, food, care for their families, just like we are. To assume you have the right to report them because they don’t fit the Suzy Cream Cheese image of what white is; is gross. It smacks of Nazism, and we are not a nation that recognizes such grotesque behavior towards others.

What the second person stated was spot on. It had to be said just like this. If we have to lose readers, we will, but we will not support the nazi regime trying to show its ugly head once again. We will not encourage anyone to speak negatively against any group that has not committed crimes, harmed others, or done anything to warrant such crass comments and behaviors.

It is time we take a hard look at what your leader is really doing; that create divisions where they do not need to exist, as wag the dogs. Turning our own people against each other is not who we are. WE do not make the rules, judge, or throw innocent people to wolves who have no moral compass. Sheeprants is dedicated to opening eyes of people to topics they might miss, ideals they may not understand until it’s too late.

We try to use humor and sarcasm to show relatable things people do to survive. Nobody should have to use violence or the intent to incite a vicious act against another. You should not feel proud or happy if someone is harmed or killed. That is not behavior any book would encourage, no teaching, and no amount of cherry picking can defend. Yes, I am calling out all of you supporters of racism and bigotry, religious cherry-picked garbage to control women or their bodies. Yes, this is for you too. You are not on this earth to harm others, dictate how others live, or dictate how their bodies work. You are not here to attack groups of people who are here legally. How does it feel to have the finger pointed at you? You cannot silence their free speech if you don’t agree with them. It might not be your cup of tea, but you do not cause harm where it is not meant to be.

Bertha and Puppy have been preparing for a trip back to the farm. Bertha is buying her: bicycle pump, plaster, harnesses, duct tape, Preparation H, Super glue, Wax, Rubber bands, pliers, Shag Me Sailor lipstick, and Eau D’ Snarl perfume, tea bags, plastic baggies, trash bags and clips, Whoopsie drops for those moments of violets escaping, corks, Louboutains, Chanel gowns and tennis shoes, cutlets for those moments when things deflate, and she wants that caught you looking, look. She isn’t one to use light bulbs, or tennis balls, anything that could cause a chipped tooth. The woman wants to be prepared for all of it.

Now, can she get this through TSA? NO. Will that stop her? No. If they have not stopped Hillary, they cannot stop her. Her leather get ups, whips and chains, blue dresses, hot sauce, fish crackers, laptop never stopped her. Bertha, you are fine. Puppy we need to worry about. No, he isn’t the UNI Bomber, nor weapons of mass destruction, it’s strictly produce, melons, no pineapple, or chocolate, it gives dogs the trots. The little guy likes to get his ya ya’s on in closets, behind chairs, and has been known to be caught shagging a watermelon. He has been banned by cruise lines, trains, busses, so the airlines know he needs to be watched. Do you want him to rappe a carrot? NO? C’est au mage, He makes his own crudite platter for latter.

If they decide to question him like they did Bill and Hillary, do you want to know where he did those activities or with whom? He will tell you, yes, he was on Epstein Island many times, was seen in the hot tub in the background. No, that was not Tip O’Neal, it was puppy. Did he see anyone with whips and chains, and if so, who was wearing the dog collar? Who wore the blue dress better, Bill or Putin? Neither, but Elon gave it a good try. It didn’t fit so we acquit.

Bertha is looking back pre 911 when all hell was breaking loose. There was: cigar gate, that damn blue dress, a dame who was no dame, coverups and wag the dogs, 2 rogue leaders and a dude named Saddam, not to be confused with Some dame with gonorrhea, a goat who saw and knew too much, a floozy who got someone a bit boozy, a group of guys trying to shut us up, a war we didn’t need by people who were in their right minds, but in the wrong pockets.

Flash forward, not much has changed, we have Epstein files, and a broad named Get Laid, world leaders, a current president, caught with their pants down, now playing hide the salami to avoid pedophilia charges. Trump is using his Johnson to keep the courts at bay. We have not seen that kind of devotion since 911. Innocent men and women getting forced to play ball with good old boys in Congress. Hillary and Bill, nice job. Now it’s time to watch Trump go before an international tribunal for an illegal war as a wag the dog to cover his tracks. Dirty dogs always try to cover up where they hid their balls.

Honestly all that is missing is martial law and a singing canary, which we already heard from. Nice Job Melania. Folks, we all know this war is nothing more than a desperate attempt to distract you. You do know we started this war, are getting played by Putin and Israel, and now we run the risk of the idiot in chief having the codes. He will lie and tell you the enemy is at your door, when it’s just the mailman. His goon squad is already kidnapping soldiers off the street who speak out and disappear. Yes, the very things sheep tried to warn you about happening is happening. Did you listen or believe us? No, you were too busy smoking wacky weed and getting lap dances with wolves, your nails done in salons owned by the little tyrant. Well folks, put on your chastity belts because the South is about to get the blow job of its life.

Because you preferred the apprentice to someone who had a moral and ethical compass, that promised you the moon, now we have something much worse than 911. Trump pissed off Atilla and now he and his Huns are coming with a big stick. In case you didn’t notice, gas prices are going to hit the roof before this is over, we will see a draft, food prices will continue to go up, more goons will start pulling people off the street that dare speak out against Trump and his band of Nazis. Is that what you really wanted?

Little boys with their guns going after anyone who they cannot differentiate between Italians, Puerto Ricans who by the way are legal Americans, or anyone of culture, class or substance. Wait, that is already happening. Instead of men saying this is wrong, they are defending it. You cannot defend the indefensible, arrest people for free speech, when you have a man in office with 33 crimes under his belt, impeachments, thefts, pedophilia, tax fraud, now international incidents and murders that require a visit to the Hague and international tribunals for war crimes.

It is time to clean house, get all of the garbage out in one fell sweep. You do not leave remnants of those willing to continue the levels of criminal behaviors in office to do worse. Doing nothing will invite a repeat of 911, or worse, and nobody wants a tyrant in office. Make no mistake, Vance, Rubio, all of them will be worse. It won’t be what you all assume it will be. You didn’t listen to Bertha before, now it’s time you do. Forget first class privilege, it’s going to be every man for himself doggy. If it did not work for the Titanic, it sure as hell won’t work here either.

This isn’t Nazi Germany, we don’t incinerate those who speak out against what is wrong. We don’t go door to door demanding to see people’s birth certificates, or proof. We do not have vigilante goon squads to intimidate innocent people, children, babies. This is the USA, we follow the rules of law, nobody is above it including presidents, nor staffers, and you cannot silence the truth. This is our bus, we don’t have first class or tourist, we have people riding, treating each other with respect and dignity no matter what they are, who they pray to, color, size, culture. This isn’t a rogue society, it’s not a game, this is life. It is real and its mis deeds have consequences. Put those who broke our laws in jail, impeach them and all who aided and abetted them. It is us or them. Let’s have each other’s backs, not make a bad situation worse.

CAT FIGHT, SHEEP STYLE

Bertha is Fuming…

Like many of you, Bertha has been observing the antics of this administration and can no longer stay silent. She is tired of watching the Kangaroo Court hearings, Bullshit speeches, excuses, lies, and blatant attempts to qualify the indefensible. The woman is snarfing. Puppy has not seen her this angry and disgusted in a long time. The last time she got this mad, she went into a full-on snarf, all-out flaunting of the toucas in traffic. We feel you, girl. The public is just as tired of the lies, inhumane treatment, and murders of innocent men and women.

We are not sure if an enema will cure the levels of anal glaucoma that afflict members of the Senate and Congress. We don’t think Go Lightly Now or Metamucil will work. Nope, they need a full-on lower GI without the anesthesia. It is time to take the stick out and give them a full dose of we are coming for your twins. Maybe that will get their minds clear of the caca they were told to push. Yes, we went there. Honestly, when the ICE admits they were told to tell their agents to ignore the laws, Constitution, granting the public of their rights and civil liberties, Rules they may not break for any reason that could harm or violate their rights to habeas corpus, ability to say Naff off? You know you are no longer in Kansas. You realize this is no longer a democracy but a loony bin with the chief LOON at the wheel.

Using attacks on civilians, immigrants awaiting their hearings, babies and children, and throwing them into internment camps without medications, allowing them to suffer, it’s past time to remove the loon and his menage a dis, all other trolls he has aligned himself with, charge them with federal crimes, rape, malfeasance, and perjury, theft, murder, illegal wars for profit, theft of the American humans. Bertha thinks this is the only way to clear the garbage that has poisoned the minds and hearts of the people. It is the only way to bring back civility, regardless of party. Common decency, morals, ethics, and humanity are badly lacking.

It should not take a transgender sheep and a woke canine with produce proclivities to make you see what has been going on and needs to change. Do we really need Bertha to flaunt them, to give a full moon rising before someone says I think I saw that on Epstein Island. Lord knows what else occurred there, and Bertha swears she was not on his guest list. Bertha fully supports all who were victims of the LOON and his crowd that make rogue farmers in Ireland look decent. Clean the cage out, toss out the garbage, the pedophiles, madam who belongs in a federal prison with no frills.

Attacking those of us who use Free Speech to voice our disgust, absolute hatred for the Bigot Losers, who attacked the Capitol on January 6, a group of billionaire sycophants, delusional and evil puke who are destroying our country, rights, and once decency in the eyes of the world, is not who we are as a nation or people. Bertha is snarfing at the idea, some cheer at the abuse and murders of innocent men and women, children, and babies. She cries for the elderly men and women placed in cages for months, left with no aide or chance for freedom. This is not what she had hers lopped off for, that made her eyes cross, and be forced to sport implants, fake eyelashes, tans, toucas implants that go Whee if they start to deflate. She did so to become a part of what she was told was a beautiful world, full of peace and decent humans.

Bertha is deeply concerned for mankind if they allow a rogue beast to continue with his real clown posse, and we apologize to the actual members of that group that share no resemblance to the ones above. Don’t you dare attack people who are into romping carrots, or squash, melons, but not pineapple. Do not attack women who are not married, who choose to be childless, or who can’t have kids, who insist their children be vaccinated against diseases that can kill them and others. They are the normal people folks. The people who make music that speaks truth mock those who insist on vile behaviors. Journalists who seek truth for the masses, we see you and respect your rights to do what you were trained to do. Doctors, too, who should never have to tell anyone NO, you cannot get treatment unless idiots think it’s good.

This is America, the melting pot, the one who respects the rainbow, those who are of color, choice, different creeds, that have mixed DNA that give us and them that ZA ZA ZU, that we love. It is not Nazi Germany, we do not use incinerators nor build them to kill innocent people whom you disagree with. You are not the THIRD REICH, and we won’t give the ZIEG HEIL. Donald et all, we will give the Italian salute, middle paw, and a full moon rising.

Bertha is afraid; some of you know her history, but for those who don’t, she is a transplant from over the pond. Her journey came with her pals, Puppy, Henrietta, and another whom we lost. Tragic, poor girl came so close to having it all, only to lose them to an ICE raid. They were trying to pull her out of her car through the window, sending her tits flying, and toucas going south. Alas, poor Yorick, we hardly knew them. Great gal, and tits, we digress. They claimed her for being Irish, not Hispanic, or black, but she wasn’t white enough.

Bertha wants to know, how white is white? What is white? How can you tell someone isn’t white or white enough? Our insides are, for the most part, all the same. Yes, we know, men have a set, women do not. Though some want, how do you prove you are white? Not all people are white. Most of us are not lily white. If your family went through what sheep have, chances are you are not white. White is a misnomer. It is not a color.

To the group that calls themselves ICE agents, aka Nazis by any other name, is not as sour. White means you ain’t black. You are not Chinese, Hispanic, Italian, Irish, English, Polish, French, Japanese, Middle Eastern, or Russian. You are blobs with no intelligence, morals, ethics, compassion, empathy, nada. To them, that is white. Ok, so what is black? Hispanics and Italians have mixed family ties. If you go back to history to look at the map, what we call those countries were somewhere else. Humans are not white enough for this classless group of people. Donald, we hate to break it to you, you, sir, are not lily white. Yo daddy was A nazi, your mom a fem nazi, making you the very thing you are objecting to.

Humans are afraid to be out in the streets. It doesn’t matter if we are here legally or not. Humans are not something to be hunted. We are not a new sport to be stalked. Trying to justify such actions, with shag me, Barbie won’t make it any more legal. Those who came here, raised solid families who fought and died in our wars, protecting our land, do not deserve to see their parents shipped back. If you start this, you will be seeing millions of Americans disappearing without just cause. This is our country, you leave. Immigrants add color and flavor; they add that za za zu missing from what would be bland and boring.

Calling everyone who is not lily white a terrorist, dangerous, something to be admonished, who could be, might be, we are not sure, but. We have seen it on TV; hazardous to your health, who are in the process of becoming legal, or who have become legal, but you can’t tell if they are or not, need to be left alone. No more midnight raids or acting like Hitler’s Gestapo. Is it your knickers, are they too tight? Are you getting a rash? or that thing you dare not whisper?

Bertha has heard of that, guys who get their panties in a bunch, it gets twisted and oy, the pain, crossed eyes, crying game, we mean jags, that thing you never want to have if you are male? No, not that, minds out of the gutter. Yes, Barbie, we have suspected you’re a cross-dresser for some time. Who else wears that much bad makeup? Oh, right, Donald. If that isn’t the case, what is your excuse for being such a bitch? Honey, we know you have a swastika; you open your mouth, and it shows. Bertha went through the change, but do we see her attacking innocent people, or poor people, those of culture, texture, choice, who add that za za zu. No, we do not. So sweet cheeks, what is your excuse for such bitterness, did we not get an invite to the prom? Did we get stood up? Knocked up? Honey, Donald isn’t worth it. Whatever he told you, his lips are moving, so you know he is lying to you.

Those who are Irish, English, or anyone with Anglican blood, or whose families got busy way back, you are white, and white enough. Those of color, you are just as beautiful. Don’t hide or be afraid. We have laws on the books to protect against unlawful search and seizure, false arrest, driving while Hispanic or other. Some folks just need to take the stick out, find a cure for anal glaucoma, and move on or get lost.

Sheep are not going away. You can try, but we just upped our subscription folks; we are here to stay.