Category: political satire

Bertha is Fuming…

Like many of you, Bertha has been observing the antics of this administration and can no longer stay silent. She is tired of watching the Kangaroo Court hearings, Bullshit speeches, excuses, lies, and blatant attempts to qualify the indefensible. The woman is snarfing. Puppy has not seen her this angry and disgusted in a long time. The last time she got this mad, she went into a full-on snarf, all-out flaunting of the toucas in traffic. We feel you, girl. The public is just as tired of the lies, inhumane treatment, and murders of innocent men and women.

We are not sure if an enema will cure the levels of anal glaucoma that afflict members of the Senate and Congress. We don’t think Go Lightly Now or Metamucil will work. Nope, they need a full-on lower GI without the anesthesia. It is time to take the stick out and give them a full dose of we are coming for your twins. Maybe that will get their minds clear of the caca they were told to push. Yes, we went there. Honestly, when the ICE admits they were told to tell their agents to ignore the laws, Constitution, granting the public of their rights and civil liberties, Rules they may not break for any reason that could harm or violate their rights to habeas corpus, ability to say Naff off? You know you are no longer in Kansas. You realize this is no longer a democracy but a loony bin with the chief LOON at the wheel.

Using attacks on civilians, immigrants awaiting their hearings, babies and children, and throwing them into internment camps without medications, allowing them to suffer, it’s past time to remove the loon and his menage a dis, all other trolls he has aligned himself with, charge them with federal crimes, rape, malfeasance, and perjury, theft, murder, illegal wars for profit, theft of the American humans. Bertha thinks this is the only way to clear the garbage that has poisoned the minds and hearts of the people. It is the only way to bring back civility, regardless of party. Common decency, morals, ethics, and humanity are badly lacking.

It should not take a transgender sheep and a woke canine with produce proclivities to make you see what has been going on and needs to change. Do we really need Bertha to flaunt them, to give a full moon rising before someone says I think I saw that on Epstein Island. Lord knows what else occurred there, and Bertha swears she was not on his guest list. Bertha fully supports all who were victims of the LOON and his crowd that make rogue farmers in Ireland look decent. Clean the cage out, toss out the garbage, the pedophiles, madam who belongs in a federal prison with no frills.

Attacking those of us who use Free Speech to voice our disgust, absolute hatred for the Bigot Losers, who attacked the Capitol on January 6, a group of billionaire sycophants, delusional and evil puke who are destroying our country, rights, and once decency in the eyes of the world, is not who we are as a nation or people. Bertha is snarfing at the idea, some cheer at the abuse and murders of innocent men and women, children, and babies. She cries for the elderly men and women placed in cages for months, left with no aide or chance for freedom. This is not what she had hers lopped off for, that made her eyes cross, and be forced to sport implants, fake eyelashes, tans, toucas implants that go Whee if they start to deflate. She did so to become a part of what she was told was a beautiful world, full of peace and decent humans.

Bertha is deeply concerned for mankind if they allow a rogue beast to continue with his real clown posse, and we apologize to the actual members of that group that share no resemblance to the ones above. Don’t you dare attack people who are into romping carrots, or squash, melons, but not pineapple. Do not attack women who are not married, who choose to be childless, or who can’t have kids, who insist their children be vaccinated against diseases that can kill them and others. They are the normal people folks. The people who make music that speaks truth mock those who insist on vile behaviors. Journalists who seek truth for the masses, we see you and respect your rights to do what you were trained to do. Doctors, too, who should never have to tell anyone NO, you cannot get treatment unless idiots think it’s good.

This is America, the melting pot, the one who respects the rainbow, those who are of color, choice, different creeds, that have mixed DNA that give us and them that ZA ZA ZU, that we love. It is not Nazi Germany, we do not use incinerators nor build them to kill innocent people whom you disagree with. You are not the THIRD REICH, and we won’t give the ZIEG HEIL. Donald et all, we will give the Italian salute, middle paw, and a full moon rising.

Bertha is afraid; some of you know her history, but for those who don’t, she is a transplant from over the pond. Her journey came with her pals, Puppy, Henrietta, and another whom we lost. Tragic, poor girl came so close to having it all, only to lose them to an ICE raid. They were trying to pull her out of her car through the window, sending her tits flying, and toucas going south. Alas, poor Yorick, we hardly knew them. Great gal, and tits, we digress. They claimed her for being Irish, not Hispanic, or black, but she wasn’t white enough.

Bertha wants to know, how white is white? What is white? How can you tell someone isn’t white or white enough? Our insides are, for the most part, all the same. Yes, we know, men have a set, women do not. Though some want, how do you prove you are white? Not all people are white. Most of us are not lily white. If your family went through what sheep have, chances are you are not white. White is a misnomer. It is not a color.

To the group that calls themselves ICE agents, aka Nazis by any other name, is not as sour. White means you ain’t black. You are not Chinese, Hispanic, Italian, Irish, English, Polish, French, Japanese, Middle Eastern, or Russian. You are blobs with no intelligence, morals, ethics, compassion, empathy, nada. To them, that is white. Ok, so what is black? Hispanics and Italians have mixed family ties. If you go back to history to look at the map, what we call those countries were somewhere else. Humans are not white enough for this classless group of people. Donald, we hate to break it to you, you, sir, are not lily white. Yo daddy was A nazi, your mom a fem nazi, making you the very thing you are objecting to.

Humans are afraid to be out in the streets. It doesn’t matter if we are here legally or not. Humans are not something to be hunted. We are not a new sport to be stalked. Trying to justify such actions, with shag me, Barbie won’t make it any more legal. Those who came here, raised solid families who fought and died in our wars, protecting our land, do not deserve to see their parents shipped back. If you start this, you will be seeing millions of Americans disappearing without just cause. This is our country, you leave. Immigrants add color and flavor; they add that za za zu missing from what would be bland and boring.

Calling everyone who is not lily white a terrorist, dangerous, something to be admonished, who could be, might be, we are not sure, but. We have seen it on TV; hazardous to your health, who are in the process of becoming legal, or who have become legal, but you can’t tell if they are or not, need to be left alone. No more midnight raids or acting like Hitler’s Gestapo. Is it your knickers, are they too tight? Are you getting a rash? or that thing you dare not whisper?

Bertha has heard of that, guys who get their panties in a bunch, it gets twisted and oy, the pain, crossed eyes, crying game, we mean jags, that thing you never want to have if you are male? No, not that, minds out of the gutter. Yes, Barbie, we have suspected you’re a cross-dresser for some time. Who else wears that much bad makeup? Oh, right, Donald. If that isn’t the case, what is your excuse for being such a bitch? Honey, we know you have a swastika; you open your mouth, and it shows. Bertha went through the change, but do we see her attacking innocent people, or poor people, those of culture, texture, choice, who add that za za zu. No, we do not. So sweet cheeks, what is your excuse for such bitterness, did we not get an invite to the prom? Did we get stood up? Knocked up? Honey, Donald isn’t worth it. Whatever he told you, his lips are moving, so you know he is lying to you.

Those who are Irish, English, or anyone with Anglican blood, or whose families got busy way back, you are white, and white enough. Those of color, you are just as beautiful. Don’t hide or be afraid. We have laws on the books to protect against unlawful search and seizure, false arrest, driving while Hispanic or other. Some folks just need to take the stick out, find a cure for anal glaucoma, and move on or get lost.

Sheep are not going away. You can try, but we just upped our subscription folks; we are here to stay.

Bertha is encouraging all states to gather and make their voices heard and seen. This isn’t a maybe; it is a must. Bertha is going to be there with her camera, voice, and won’t be silenced. This protest has to happen. Trump does not want it to happen; ICE agents will be posing as all of us to stop us.

This is about more than immigration; it is about all of us. It is about our safety, civil rights, liberties, and pursuit of happiness. This is about all of us. Whether you have applied for entrance, you are a legal citizen whose rights must be protected. If you are black, white, green or chartreuse, gay, straight, bi or trans, citizens, your rights matter.

Nobody should be getting shot, targeted, because they might, could possibly, may be, but we are not sure, have the potential to be: that is no reason to harm or kill others. The rogue attackers, posing as police, have no right to behave without consequence. Our own police agree, and even they cannot behave in the grotesque manner Donald Trump and his band of bigots have been.

We are not advocating violence. None of that, folks, don’t lower yourselves, we are above this. We can do this without violence. There is power in numbers and voices. Do not cower nor show fear, speak up. Show up. Be seen. Send a message, YES. Just do not arm yourselves, do not injure anyone. That is what they want, are trying to use as an excuse to steal our rights and civil liberties, invites martial law.

Our voices can demand change. Not even change but protect our civil rights already on the books. Think about it. We never had people stolen off the streets, housed in internment camps if we didn’t like how they looked, or for any other reason.

Journalists, you must not let yourselves be bullied. Do your jobs, refuse to dumb down the news. EXPOSE hard truths, not encourage cover-ups. We the people do not throw journalists into internment camps to silence them. Musicians, keep speaking out and up. You are breaking no laws. You are allowed free speech.

This is not about Democrats vs Republicans. This is about protecting all of our civil rights and liberties. It must not be used as a threat to silence the masses, take away programs the public needs, all of them. This must not be allowed by any member of Congress or the Senate. Aiding and abetting wrong behaviors is grounds for impeachment, jail time, and losing all respect from your constituents. Yes, we pay attention, watch what you say and do; talk is cheap. You know behaviors of ICE have crossed too many lines, are illegal, and cannot be justified. There is no room to spin. For Christ sakes, rise above it, people.

March 28. Use your voices, don’t break laws, or use violence. Undocumented people, please, for your safety, just follow the rules of law. There is room at the table for all of us, it might take a while, but you won’t get shot. Follow the process. We are behind you.

Bertha is tired of watching innocent people used as pawns. Getting labled, mistreated, abused, left out, thrown under the bus of inequality. A shutdown to them doesn’t matter, as they are all wealthy enough to afford the very things everyone else would give their eye teeth to have a fraction.

When families are too poor to buy food, pay rent, a mortgage, gas for heat and their cars, clothes, insurance, something is very wrong. When they need to provide proof of how poor they are to those who have everything, it’s a slap in the face. People know how poor they are, know what it feels like to fill out those documents asking for income, etc. They cringe every time a question is asked, yes, but are you really poor enough to qualify? How poor must people be, down trodden, starving, living in tents, on a street or park, must they be for Trump’s congress to approve funding to assist them, keep programs open to find housing, obtain health insurance, human assistance.

This shutdown has sticking points, supporting a group of thugs hired not with training, or empathy, kindness, towards immigrants, but anyone who does not fit their vision of perfection. Those victims were targeted because they didn’t fit the Suzy cream cheese version of lily white, rich or Nazi. Targeting what next, those too poor to be poor, too sick to be labeled sick, not white enough to be thought of as white? Nobody should have to prove any of that.

Trump and his band of Nazis believe it’s ok to shoot people they assume are undocumented, who might be dressed in clothes they own that could make them look like refugees. What if those people are just human, too poor to afford Chanel, much less food for their families? Bertha says shutting down isn’t the worst thing to happen, even if families already suffering would go without a little longer. Saying yes to the demands of the rogue government we have running the country would be the worst.

It won’t stop with immigration. Next, they will shoot the disabled, poor, elderly, those who follow religions not supporting Hitler’s agenda. None of this is in any bible, it was cherry-picked and twisted to suit this group’s vile view of the world. Anal glaucoma at its worst. Trying to silence those who speak out, up and refuse to be silenced, targeted, fired, blackballed, to avoid keeping their jobs, or getting hired has become the republican way. Payoffs to silence those who might blow the whistle on funds meant for government programs, instead going to their billionaire cronies, exposed.

Bertha won’t be silenced. She knows firsthand what families are going through, what immigrants living in the shadows are trying to avoid. It’s no longer being afraid of getting deported back; it’s a fear of getting killed by rogue agents, not police, hired by Trump, with his shag me Barbie posing as his Eva Braun. All that is missing is the swastika and Zieg Heil. Filibustering the House committee and Senate to avoid admitting to wrongdoing. Pretending those actions don’t or won’t affect families already living on the edge.

Don’t speak up Bertha was warned, don’t say anything. Bertha won’t be part of the problem. Demanding impeachment and federal jail time for all who let all of this happen not just humans, poor, middle class, black, white, ethnic, gay or straight, disabled, and yes, immigrants. Bertha won’t be silenced, she is speaking up, out and won’t give up.

As for those who say poor aren’t poor enough to qualify for assistance, walk in their shoes, throw in a federal shutdown, those suffering with anal glaucoma that would rather stuff their pockets than help their fellow man, you disgust us. The people did not vote for this, ask for this, nor deserve this.

Bertha is watching you, Donald, fund what the people need, not what your cronies demand. You ran, took an oath, and can be impeached. Tic Tock

Bertha is fuming. She is tired of watching Trump’s minions attacking other women. Hello, since when did this become an acceptable sport? Those who attack other women need to look hard in the mirror. It’s hard to see harsh truths, but when it’s hitting you in the face, boobs, your toucas, it is hard to ignore.

Bertha would be the first person to tell you she knows what she sees in the mirror. Is she a raving beauty? Bertha looks like a mummified monkey. She owns that. Without heavy doses of preparation H, harnesses, plaster and a good dose of Espresso, we won’t say where, a good blow job, (minds out of the gutter), lots of improvised cosmetics, wigs, lashes, bathing in a tea bag situation, ahem, it takes that and more. She owns that. It is the those who refuse to accept they are not air brushed models, whose shit does not stink, whose hair color does not match the drapes. Hellooo.

We are talking about those attacking Bridgitte Macron, others who have ethics, morals, decency. Yes Barbie, we are talking about you, and that Brunette shag me who likes to ride bareback, or rattlesnake. You know who you are. Someone did not get the girl code that does not pick on other women. It is hard enough to break the glass ceiling without getting slapped with personal attacks. If those women did not do this to you, why attack them? Is it jealousy, is that it, ya didn’t get under someone’s knickers?

Bertha does not need to attack her sisters to be accepted. Using actual brains, kindness, acknowledgement for your ideas, even if they don’t agree. But no, those who attack have a level of jealousy sheep have not seen in years. Donald we are throwing you in that mix. Those who support guys like you are as bad as you, they just wear a skirt better. You don’t have the legs for it. Abe Vigoda in drag wore it better.

Bertha knows throwing shade solves nothing. Bertha isn’t throwing shade, she is looking in the mirror, taking a hard look, and seeing something she dislikes staring back. It’s not her own image, but that of those women who insist on calling out those who did nothing to them. Strong women, truly strong women and those in drag, ahem, Donald, don’t need to be that insecure.

Bridgitte, AOC, Lauren, all of those who have been made out to be less, you are way more than those who tried to dismiss you and your contributions. Sheep recognize quality, and whether you are dem or republican, from a foreign country, we recognize strength.

Keep breaking down that glass ceiling, don’t up or let anyone make you feel less than. Sheep see you, value you and your hard works. It isn’t based on looks, or size, faith or choice. Hard work always shines through.

For those who might be wondering what is happening at the North Pole, sheep thought it be a good idea to keep little eyes and ears from this post. Sheep understand the need to protect little ones from hearing unflattering hard truths about what really goes on.

Santa is preparing for his big visit Christmas Eve. The elves are busy preparing the toys for good little girls and boys, adults, pets, and all not on his naughty list. Yes, there have been a few weave wars, as some of the elves are pissed about job equality, the need to keep horny reindeer from having their way with some of the girls. How many times do we have to remind you, just because they are up north, they still need to get their groove on. Some are into the swirl, others nose candy, still others into farm animals, and then there are those who are into well, dirty old men. Santa doesn’t really care what they are into so long as the jobs get done. Hello, yes, we went there. It’s the holidays, sheep are allowed a few double entendres. Yo, those whose virgin ears might get offended might we suggest going to the RFK wing. This is for those who like a little buzz with their egg nog.

So, as we were saying the elves are keeping busy, making sure not to confuse adult toys with those for children, not that they wouldn’t find a use for them, just not during the holidays. Mrs. Claus has been trying to keep her figure with Ozempic, though we have caught her sneaking a cookie or two, a pint of bourbon, that box of bourbon balls, the canister filled with cannabis brownies Rudolph had stashed. , candy canes that were marked green, um those were special ones to make reindeer fly. Helloo, you thought it was pixie dust, nope, that is for those long hours when reindeer need that extra something to keep them flying.

Santa is looking again at the naughty list, and every time Donald and Mike Johnson’s name came up, well, let’s just say it wasn’t just reindeer flying. Expletives flew out of Santa’s mouth like crap through geese. For every stupid, illegal, constipated, amoral, greedy, lying, conniving, utterly despicable item found, for the rising numbers of victims, a new word was invented in another language. He is on Santa’s shit list for life, along with all who aid and abet him, collude with him, assist him, they too won’t find sweet nothings in their stockings this year. Loud requests for more of those special “chocolate pies, brownies laced with laxatives, Swiss Kriss.” names were slapped on those beautifully decorated boxes with those chosen names on them. The gifts that keep on giving.

The toys for those some left behind, would come in peace, hope and charity, food drops, with parcels for blankets, bedding, medical supplies to war torn countries. Mrs. Claus made special cookies and treats as well to be distributed with small toys elves made. Just because Donald is a scrouge, and Mike is the grinch, does not mean the reindeer and elves, Santa have forgotten them. For those who were attacked, killed for celebrating Hannukah, he had gifts of gilt for the children, dreidels for games, meals for those who missed those delicacies. Santa may not be Jewish but is a man of all seasons and faiths. He refuses to discriminate.

The big ride is a few days away, so getting the reindeer up to snuff, out of the snuff and well, back to snuff meant no binges. No reindeer games with the girls, no let’s play hide the sausage with the elves, they had to go hard core, no pun intended. Of course, there were noises of snarfing and whining, some were playing the pan flute, whatever it took to get it done. He needed his boys rough and ready for a long flight. You can take the approach of that being a bit harsh, however, they did have the opportunity for a bit of dirty dancing when they flew. The choice was theirs. Nobody said we knew what really goes on, did we?

So loading the sleigh each elf took a toy or two or three for each child, nobody puts children in a corner and tells them you can only have one. If you were good, and were kind, gave back, Santa knew what to give whom. Setting up flight plans was dicey as they have to fly over Venezuela so as to avoid the idiocy of an illegal attack, on what Trump might deems Santa’s sleigh as a drug cartel. Hey, let’s face it, the guy is a tool. If Rudolph is not showing up on Norad, as reindeer and a flying dirty old man, anything could happen. Santa was prepared for an ICE raid on his elves. NO KIDNAPPING. That meant reindeer or elves. No unlawful raids on the sleigh. No banging the reindeer and calling it Urban Flyboy. No Yippy Kayee you reindeer fuckers. Bruce that was for you.

You might hear the thunder of the clap, a dose of the trots, it might come with bells or a snort or swizzle. You might think you are seeing things flying thru the skies, red for Putin, Green for our good guys. You might get a dose of some white stuff, not snow, the other white treat. To the porch pirates we see you, don’t forget you are on the naughty list too. To those in the cabinet or still in the closet, we see you, nothing but good times, days and good cheer. To the uptight dames in those damn MAGGOT hats, take them off, have no fear. Santa brings good things to those who believe, who will be treated with fairness and speed.

Santa hears the Kennedy ‘s lament, put it back, you daft prick, you can’t change things you did not earn. To the public losing OBAMA care or whose fees will double, he hears your tears. All good things come to those who wait, just keep on reminding yourself, don’t take the bait. Those fake checks, I’d make sure they clear, they might be written with invisible ink, with a sign of the beast. That is why the naughty list exists, not for those who did good, but for those who lie and did the pooch, literally, but the cat isn’t sharing.

Once again sheep say, Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, Kwanza, Hannukah, or whatever you choose. We celebrate all of you.

Bertha has spent a great deal of her life trying to blend in with you got it, white folks. Bertha no matter what she does to try to blend in cannot possibly ever look white. She does not think white. She does not expect white privilege because she is a transgendered sheep.

Folks, you might have a hard time trying to understand this, but underneath our knickers, nobody is white. Those He man Ford Truck ads are not going to make you anymore white inside. No sir, you cannot buy white. It has no price tag because you will still be the same color underneath. What looks beyond skin color, let’s take a look.

When someone is sick, waiting to be seen or have lab work done, it makes no difference what color you are, how much money you have, where you live, or who you are related to. It does not care what your immigration status is, political party you belong to, what religion you support. Nobody goes first just because they are white. Those who are nuveau riche, belong to hate groups, or whose daddy is wealthier than GOD, assume they go first. No Vagina, you go when you are called, not first, or second, there is no first class with illness.

Politicians are finally realizing how important it is to make sure everyone is treated the same. If nobody is allowed healthcare who has not yet reached retirement, qualifies for Medicare, or was grandfathered in with Medicaid, people die. Nobody is willing to let this slide to allow Trump, his anally attached sycophant, or others like him, to block access to healthcare. MTG has no intention of watching her kids sit on a gurney, waiting to see if they get special treatment in a hallway. For her and others like her, the harsh realities of Trump’s actions and that of Mike Johnson have caused, it’s just not anything she wants to be a part of

Bertha sat in her chair, waiting for her name to be called, she waited, and watched as many before her came and went. Nobody got special treatment, everyone was treated the same. not huffing and puffing, trying to not look pasty white from fear. Bertha hates needles. She passes out at the sight of blood, especially her own. Like many she had to soldier on, taking whatever lab work was done on them. Her turn came, and after 8 tubes of blood was taken, she was wobbling, her knees knocking, and her toucas trying to fly south. She swore she was just fine, until the nurses looked at her, told her she wasn’t, and no amount of make-up could make up for her pasty white skin. There was that word, the one she could never be, nor tried to hide. She was a transgendered sheep dammit. Not lily white, no swastika, or KKK robe. Bertha was like everyone else who faints at the sight of blood. No white privilege can avoid that one.

Until we face reality, put everyone on a level playing field, where there is no first class, where it does not matter who you are, where you live, how much you earn, whose your daddy? You are living not in the real world, but in Trumps delusional mind. Nobody is immune, and prayer won’t fix this, you can pray, to whatever GOD you choose, but in the end, if you are due that coffee enema, you will get decaf. You won’t get that plasma facial, you will get Crisco, with a soap and water rinse. The idea of getting BOTOX or fillers, will be a faded mammary. Preparation H and Duct tape will replace Victoria’s Secret, and you won’t have designer undies from frou frou du jour. Get to know duct tape and super glue, plaster, and guys, better hang on to that EAU Sauvage, because soon it will be Eau De Snarl. Bertha has been preparing for this her whole life, which is why none of those things will be a shock for her. But those who assume white privilege is only for the poor, you are in for a rude surprise. Don’t say sheep didn’t try to warn you.

You might think it a white, white world, but those of us who have been living in the real world, we know how the game is played, who the players are, and how to survive in spite of them.

BERTHA IS WAITING FOR THE ULTIMATE CAT FIGHT. SHE HAS PURCHASED POPCORN, DOOR DASH, HAS ORDERED A PORTA POTTY TO AVOID MISSING A SECOND OF WHAT MANY ARE WAITING FOR, THAT IS, THE ULTIMATE CAT FIGHT. NOW YOU MAY WONDER WHO THIS CAT FIGHT WILL FEATURE, BUT WE ALREADY KNOW SHAG ME BARBIE, KRISTIE THE DOG KILLER, JASMINE CROCKETT, AND ALL OF THOSE BALLSEY DAMES IN CONGRESS AND THE SENATE. WE ARE THROWING IN CASH PATEL IN THERE TOO, AS WELL. IT WON’T TAKE MUCH TO STRIP HIM AND PUT HIM IN A DOG COLLAR. IS IT JUST US OR DOES THAT MAN ALWAYS LOOK LIKE HE WAS CAUGHT IN A GAY BATHHOUSE WHERE THE RODENTS ARE TAKING REVENGE.

BERTHA HAS HAD HER SHARE OF CAT FIGHTS, WEAVE WARS, THE USE OF SAFETY PINS TO CAUSE THE DEFLATION OF ALL OF THOSE FAKE TITS AND TOUCASES. SHE HAS MONEY ON CROCKETT, AND THAT OLDER GAL WHO SHOWS TEETH. YEP, THROW IN HILLARY, AND THERE IS NO WAY TRUMP’S TEAM CAN COME CLOSE TO WINNING. EVERY FEMALE AND MALE VICTIM OF THOSE DEMONS HAS MONEY IN THIS GAME. THEY ARE EVEN OFFERING WHERE TO THROW THE PUNCHES THAT WON’T LEAVE SCARS BUT WILL REQUIRE A BIKE PUMP AND A LOT OF PLASTER TO FIX THE REPAIRS. SHEEP ARE NOT ADVOCATING VIOLENCE, BUT IF IT COMES DOWN TO RIPPING OFF THE BRAS AND SPANX…IT’S ON.

NOBODY SHOULD BE SURPRISED BY THIS CAT FIGHT. IT’S BEEN BREWING FOR A WHILE WITH THE HEARINGS IN CONGRESS AND SENATE. SHAG ME BARBIE HAS BEEN PLAYING HIDE THE SALAMIE WITH FACTS AND TRUTH FOR A WHILE NOW, AND KRISTIE THE DOG KILLER HAS BEEN PULLING THE SAME SHIT. TRUMP MUST BE GETTING A THREESOME WITH THOSE TWO. WHY ELSE WOULD THEY AGREE TO LIE FOR HIM? HE ISN’T ATTRACTIVE, LACKS INTELLIGENCE, COMMON SENSE, AND A SENSITIVITY CHIP. HE IS NO PRZE LADIES. IF IT’S NOT A THREESOME, IT CAN’T BE MONEY HE HAS NONE. EVEN HIS JOCKEY SHORTS ARE LEVERAGED TO THE HILT. AS FOR WHY CASH IS BACKING HIM? OY DUDE, HE JUST ISN’T THAT INTO YOU. HE IS USING YOU.

BERTHA IS LOOKING FORWARD TO THIS CAT FIGHT. THE GLOVES ARE OFF AND THE DAMES ARE HOT. IT WON’T TAKE MUCH TO PROVOKE THEM. THE SECOND THAT BLONDE BIMBO STARTS TO FILLIBUSTER, DEFEND TRUMP, SHE IS SACKED. THERE COMES A POINT WHEN YOU HAVE TO SAY NO TO THE BLEACH. THIS IS THE SAD RESULT. SAME WITH BOTOX AND FILLERS. IF BERTHA HAD THEM, THE POOR DEAR WOULD NOT BE ABLE TO SIT, HER TITS WOULD SUFFOCATE HER, AND HER CHEEKS WOULD EXPLODE. IT’S HARD ENOUGH TO BRAID THE NOSE HAIR FILLERS WOULD JUST MAKE IT IMPOSSIBLE. THE OTHER DAMES KNOW WHEN TO SAY WHEN. DO YOU SEE HILLARY SPORTING THE WE ARE MANNEQUIN LOOK? HOW DO YOU SUPPOSE THE WOMAN IS STILL SO SHARP, IT’S NOT BLEACHED.

YOU HAVE TO FIND HUMOR WITH THIS WHERE YOU CAN. BERTHA HAS BEEN WAITING FOR THIS TO EXPLODE FOR A WHILE NOW. GUYS, GET YOUR BETS ON AND MAY THE BEST MAN WIN. PUPPY HAS HIS CRUDITE PLATTER READY, HIS ROOM IS READY TO ROUGH THE PUPPY. NO ROUGHING THE CAT, DO YOU REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED THE LAST TIME? I TRIED TO WARN YOU CATS DON’T LIKE WATER, BUT YOU INSISTED ON TRYING TO USE HER FOR PEELING YOUR MELONS. YOU WALKED SIDE SADDLE FOR A WEEK. JUST INVITE HER IN FOR SOME REFRESHMENTS AND TO WATCH THE FIGHT. BETTER YET, THROW HER INTO THE FIGHT. YOU WILL HEAR MORE SWEARING THAN A CATHOLIC IN A DRUNKEN ORGY. NO PROUD BOYS TO SEPARATE THE TEAMS, NO SWAT TEAMS TO HOSE THEM DOWN. ICE HAS NO JURISDICTION: NO CLAIMING LOCAL TERRORISTS WHO BELONG IN A COMMUNE.

THERE WILL BE RULES, NO SLAPPING, GRABBING, BITING, KICKING, WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION, IF YOU REMOVE A WIG, OR FAKE ONES, MOVE ON. CASH, IT’S EVERY DAME FOR HERSELF, SO ENJOY IT WHILE YOU CAN THE TRUTH AND TEETH WILL COME OUT.

. NOW, FOLKS, YOU KNOW THIS IS ALL HERESAY. YOU DIDN’T GET IT FROM SHEEP. ASK FOX FOR THE DETAILS, OR IF IT’S NOT THERE, THEY WILL MAKE IT UP. NOBODY WILL BE WEARING FLACK JACKETS, OR HELMETS, MEANING MAKE SURE YOUR EXTENSIONS ARE AT A FULL UPRIGHT POSITION, YOUR TITS FASTENED, AND YOUR TOUCAS READY TO RUMBLE.

GAME ON…..

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Much like humans, Bertha is also suffering. Grocery shopping has become a dance of tetras. No, it’s not trying to fit things in her fridge or freezer that is a whole different animal. She is playing Jenga with her bills to fit everything in, then going to the grocery store to find what will extend a full month. How humans think they can spend a month of salary or social security on one holiday meal is insane. Guys, you have to go beyond that turkey. Trust me that bird isn’t going to fly any farther.

She has devised a system that she deploys each time she thinks of doing something crazy. No, kneeing someone in the groin is separate, she has a plan for that too. She gives her face and body a hard look, shows no mercy. If she is seeing a monkey staring back at her, she knows it’s time for some serious work. Hey, things deflate, need a refill, things need a good wax, pluck, sometimes a harness, never a G string. That is way too dangerous for a sheep. Must we go there? Wigs need to be fixed, snarl removed and upper lips waxed and under eye bags, hidden. That takes money. If she doesn’t have it, she must improvise.

Trump’s miserable plan just isn’t cutting it. Who knew duct tape had so many uses? Wait, what are you thinking, because sheep are thinking that, but that is for another rant. No, duct tape is wonderful. She uses that to hold the wigs on her head, waxes her legs, pits, repairs deflating implants, even has used it as a harness when things go south. The bike pump is sort of working; it has taken a lot of blowing things to keep them up. Yes, we heard what we just said. Dirty minds think alike. Crisco has doubled as lotion, tanning lotion, face cream. Preparation H isn’t bad for under eye bags, but she prefers tea bags. I know, a tea bag situation, sort of.

What do you expect, when bills come first over beauty. One learns to improvise. If things need a good braid, well, we just have to go back to plyers. The sting uncrosses the eyes. Ladies you need to do what you need to do, no judgement. Bertha totally gets it. Ok, when she is done with her tackle box, mind out of the gutter, she looks at her grocery list. Coffee is a safety issue, so yes please. Ditto for chocolate, and strangely grapefruit. Men won’t get it, some might. She refuses to overextend her budget. Nope, she is not going to go broke trying to create a Norman Rockwell event. Santa gets it too. He is on a Jenga budget, but not for those he chooses to gift.

Bertha has learned to get the most bangs for the buck. No blowing needed. That comes if she has energy left over. She is learning to keep things in her pantry, fridge and freezer, while getting a facial, uplift, and a fix for hot flashes. Show us a holiday meal that will do all of that with leftovers. We don’t think so. You are still wondering about that damn G string aren’t you? You asked for it, it’s not pretty.

Blame the politico who insisted she go bare. Bertha does not go bare for anyone. Have you seen the crying game? Santa has. She tried a G string only to get all twisted up, stuck and trying not to release violet flavored OH NO’s! Puppy kept trying to undo her, only to get his carrot caught, and then he was crying. Damn Epstein, he had to fix her up with that perv. Does it take a rocket scientist to figure out who the perv was? No, Bill isn’t into that, neither is Hillary, or Obama. And you thought he was just into little kids. Now, are we talking about Donald or Putin or both? That incident left her very sore and more exposed than being full frontal. Things are not supposed to get caught, trapped, unless you are in a Diddy video. We warned you, and this is the clean version, we won’t go any further.

But for reals, Bertha understands the pain humans are going thru. If you think Eminem is telling it like it is, and he is folks, like it or not, sheep are going to totally piss you off. No lies, cheating, trying to snow the public to undo the mess Trump has created. Those who still think the economy is great, we are safer than ever, prices have gone down, terrorism is caused by immigrants, and grocery prices have gone down? Yo, we have some home sheep who will tell you that killing national guards, innocent people in the street, those whose opinions you don’t like, judges and congress members you threaten with death threats, idiots in office who can’t flush a toilet, much less attempt detente, must we go on?

The economy is in the trotter; we are not safer with Trump in office nor any of his minions. It’s time to get real folks, it’s time to go street on his behind. Medieval is good too, we won’t snarf at that, but to just accept status quo? That isn’t an option. This is why Santa has Trump et all on his Naughty list. He knows what is happening and isn’t looking the other way. When economy issues hit the North Pole, effecting Santa, his elves and reindeer, that is time to grab him by the produce, and send his behind and his cronies packing. You thought this was going to be nice and candy sweet. Bertha is snarfing, the girl is actually heaving, causing her tits to fly out and toucas to fly.

Sheep will always tell it straight, it isn’t going to be PC and it won’t be filled with violets and daffodils, Puppy is romping produce in solidarity. We feel you puppy. Sheep feel your frustration and pain. You are welcome.

Happy Kwanza, Chanukah, Christmas, Mozel Tov to all who celebrate in their own way. Sheep are not going to judge you. Whatever makes you happy, sing, tweet, speak your mind, stay afloat your way. Sheep want you to know we are with you always, have your backs.