Yes, it is that time of the year when Santa releases his naughty list complete with his findings and Christmas offerings to the offending parties. Santa has been watching the news, hearing the stories behind the news briefings, and was horrified to see the same names coming up on those lists. We already know the main culprit, He Who Shall Not be Named, along with JD. Vance, Hegseth, Rubio, Mike Johnson, Senator Kennedy, RFK, Lindsey Graham, and we regret to say Mitch Maconell. Elon Musk, Putin, Benny Netanyahu, that Chinese Fellow whom Santa cannot pronounce. You are all on Santa’s shit list for life. It goes without saying, the satan spawn of HWSNBN above are also on that list, the Billionaire boys and girls club who were added, their families, Supreme Court Judges that waited too long to impeach and hold guilty the above parties.
Santa could not have been more horrified. Those who impeded trials of innocent parties, daring to create false flag operations, photo shopped images, attacking DOJ who were following the Rules of Law, defending their people, democracy and the constitution. Santa had to feed the reindeer a special mixture for all of you this year, so you can guess what those gifts will contain. Because of you, his reindeer have been suffering the trots for months, terrible gas and bloating, we won’t discuss the violet flavored Oh No’s the elves have had to endure. Mrs. Claus has been working overtime trying to keep up with the depends. His poor babies have just been green with malaise. Their revenge and they have chosen to accept it, will be chimneys filled with the gifts that keep on giving, no presents, no money, no jewelry or islands, crypto, nada. You will find your passports have been resent to Guantanamo until international tribunals await you, for all to see. Crimes of theft, murder of innocent children, adults, here and abroad, out and out stealing, are things Santa just won’t forgive. Telling him you didn’t know, or you had nothing to do with that, Fusilli Ramswamy isn’t going to cut it. Epstein files will be released for the world to see live on tv and the internet. No filters, no covering up faces or grimaces by the attackers. The victims will be protected. Hearings of impeachments will begin January 2, for the world to see. To those whom they harmed, offended, attacked, killed, those families will forever be on Santa’s happy list and will forever receive his gifts and praise.
Now, how are the elves and reindeer doing? There has been a public outcry for lack of available stalls for the reindeer to use. There have been protests, as they take turns holding their noses, while they hold protest signs. It has been quite the sight, and the elves have joined in the conga line of protests. If they must make the “spank me Putin,” or “No animals, please!!”, or “shag me harder Elon, Mike, or Donald.” dolls, along with the “Just stop using my corpse, Mitch.” dolls, they will scream. The blond ambition Barbie with the Maga Ozempic face and fillers, are selling off the shelves. The guys can’t get enough of them. We think Mitch giving the finger dolls will be well received, along with the Melania, “Don’t Touch Me Donald.” ones too. Those come with the arm that slaps him away. For the sore losers in the Midterms, we created dolls that give the high five, the finger to the losers, and allow all of Trump’s victims of his illegal wars the chance to have first swipe. To Zelinski we offer those items he requested with all of the bells and whistles. Santa and sheep love that little bugger. We digress; the elves are just elated to be part of this holiday season. Those items will put smiles on a lot of faces, and reindeer are happy to be part of it. The blitzkrieg of sweet revenge.
The elves are pouting because their stink weed is not allowed on the flight, Santa got tired of flying with the aroma competing with the Brownies. So if they want to get high, laid, they have to smoke it at the North Pole. The munchies will be dealt with as Mrs. has been baking her brains out, oops that came out wrong, not that way, not that she doesn’t toke. She prefers getting it on with her old man, Rudolph. hey, if he is top dog, he gets the prize. Santa has a brand new kewpie doll to make him happy, we heard Pam Bondie needed a job, and since that is her specialty, giving as well as receiving, he brought her on board. Yes, we heard what we just said. The reindeer have enjoyed the multi cultured nocturnal shags and have become open to whatever makes their fur fly. If it gets their masts at full salute they are in. They all agree, none wants herpes from any of Donald’s conquests, Pam that means you too. No ‘catch her in the rye for the reindeer, they have voted on it. They had a meeting. They have been trying to get over Santa’s over feeding routine, and until the night comes when the fur will fly, it’s every man for himself doggie. We know we have not heard rumblings of humping or let’s get it on. That damn weed has made them too mellow. Paranoid too. Blitzen thinks the FBI and ICE are watching him. That would be Dancer, he is a watcher. He likes to watch. Kinky little bastard. He is the one who likes them young. Vixen has been going after the younger ones too. Santa will not have pedophile reindeer on his sleigh. That came out wrong. No Epstein fliers. Oy, does he have a rough night coming up. No young elves that get to shake their thangs in the sleigh, no heaving ta ta’s coming from Mrs. Claus. Just a straight night of flying, no missteps, no we have to shop for gloves. No gloves no love. The gifts for the bad boys on top of the page, their gifts will be personalized, given with the fly over. No coal in the stocking, this is hardcore. Secret service has been given the head’s up, literally don’t look up. You were warned. NORAD has been given one too, carpet bombing of reindeer feces at midnight, target is fixed and locked on. Ok so Santa was watching TOP GUN before making his list. Its ok Santa, we get it, better than what happened in Iran. No, Santa won’t touch those who have been attacked. He is not allowing guns of any kind, no fake permits, rifles, bump stocks, nada on his list of toys. Nothing to hurt little girls and boys. Big ones too. I know second amendment shit, ya know what he doesn’t care. Do you really want reindeer poop in your stocking? Don’t test him.
Santa wants everyone to have the bird on the table, not the wife or boyfriend, girlfriend, mistress, an actual bird. Not the middle finger. We know that fat orange bastard has ruined it for all of you. Trust us, Santa is going to make sure he gets not a golden shower, but a feces bath. He has made groceries impossible to buy, so its pasta or raccoon this year. Raccoon cacciatore anyone? It’s not bad with a lot of Ragu. Or you can have leg of squatter. The ones in the White House who have funked up the place. Humans, this won’t last much longer, he will be impeached. They will all be removed and common sense and humanity will come back to all of you. That is the gift that keeps on giving. One your children can be proud of, remember was worth fighting for. That is the gift that reaches across religions and faiths, countries and bodies of water. It is the one we all have been praying for. Jan 2 is the say all must celebrate, it will be the coming together in peace, harmony, and relief. We must stick together, not apart, help and trust one another, not carpet bomb each other. No more tariffs or high gas prices, groceries, negative behaviors towards other cultures or choice, women who can go to their docs and get treated without fear. More than Christmas, Kwanza, Hannuka, or whatever else you celebrate, make it one all of us say thank you for.
The elves are back to work, getting those dolls put together, to prepare the sleigh, sheep will be watching and letting you know of their progress.
Send Imodium to the sheep, they will need it after. They will thank you too.
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